SLOVENIA'S JUNGLE ENGLISH

When Slovenians speak English, I am mostly impressed and amazed.  

When Slovenians write English, I usually get at least one really good laugh out of it.

The gaps in understanding between these languages are deep and meaningless.  If there was a translation machine for these two, it would make a rusty grinding noise, squeak and get stuck.  

Never short of an overconfident cack-handed solution to the communication problem, Slovenia's top strategies are 

"I like English so my English must be right", 

"This Professor (or whatever) has drunk his way through a dozen years of university so his English must be right", 

"This person is my relative so it must be right",

"This company charges a fortune so obviously it's going to be right"

and 

"This person already works for me and will therefore have to do it for nothing".

Alas, none of these work, as shown below.  

The ultimate and only effective Slovenian solution is for highly qualified and reputable court-certified translators to give me jungle English to fix at black market rates, then send it off to their client with a bill for four times as much.

This is a desperate last resort suited only to Slovenian government anti-corruption investigations and bloated local government missions and visions But can a real English person get a real job translating Slovenglish into credible text?  

No.  Slovenians will readily agree that their stupid society applauds qualification over ability.  Faced with the ominous idea that a foreigner with an English O level could run rings around their homegrown language professors, the Slovenian lacks the necessary instructions from the latter to tell him that his important message should be screened for unintentional entertainment value by the former. 

Instead, long habituated to pedagogic boot-licking, he prefers to publish his hysterical text as it is, and be a laughing-stock in the eyes of those he seeks to impress.  With this I am happy to help. 

Priggishness, protectionism, patriotism, prejudice and Slovenians' famous envy have vital roles to play in keeping the money from falling into the hands of inferiors in ways they class as legitimate.

Ranging from the quaint, via naively capitalistic, to the full-blown Anglophone customer repellent, here are some of my Slovenglish favourites.

The fact that the seminar was attended by 40 high police officers from 19 Member States of the European Union proves that the European police forces...started opening their doors...

Slovenian Police website http://www.policija.si/eng/index.php/newsroom/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=953


From wherever you arrive, Slovenia is only an arm's length away. 

Explore Slovenia http://www.exploreslovenia.si/about%20slovenia.html

 

We're Currently Experience a High Volume of Traffic, Please Check Back Soon

Melania Trump's CV http://www.trump.com/my-world/

 

Bad and breakfast

Muzikafe, Ptuj


The main objectives of secondary education in Slovenia are...to enable all residents to acquire the highest level of education possible while maintaining high standards of knowledge

[headline:] Enrolement...

Gateway to information on Slovenia http://www.slovenia.si/en/live-and-work/education/upper-secondary-education/


Virtual presentation of the apartments may vary from the actual state!

Small print, Rogla Apartments http://www.apartmaji-rogla.eu/en/about/


I keep my deadlines and I am easy to get along. 

Profile of translator Vito Smolej http://www.proz.com/profile/91005


The Slovenian alphabet has 25 letters. It does not have the letters W, Q, X, Y. But you have to learn three new letters: Č (pronounced as ch in English), Š (sh), and Ž (zh, as in azure). The mark above the letters is called a carrot...

University of Ljubljana http://www.ef.uni-lj.si/en/summerschool/slovenia_language.asp


Đinđić's numerous supporters as well as his many opponents are all still trying to shake their disbelief.

Example of work by translator Pavle Perencevic http://www.proz.com/profile/40947

List of potencial mentors - Broschure

Interdisciplinary Doctoral Programme in Biomedicine at Ljubljana University http://www.uni-lj.si/en/study_at_the_university/undergraduate_studies/postgraduate_studies_3rd_cycle.aspx

 

EDUCATION - With the aim to enhace the cooperation between higher education institutions...

Emuni University, Portorož http://www.emuni.si/en/strani/31/Education.html


With our mission being to provide support to the most eager young entrepreneurs, we organize a series of workshops on how to start your own business twice a year. 

Ljubljana University Incubator http://www.lui.si/projects/workshop_how_to_write_a_business_plan/

 

Do not park your vehicle in front of passenger terminal or on parking spaces which are reserved for airport stuff.

http://www.maribor-airport.si/en/Passengers/Securityadvice.aspx
 

Migration in the first half of the 20th century have also taken Slovenian speakers, above all, to North and South America, and subsequently, also the countries such as Switzerland or Germany.

Etranslationservice http://www.etranslationservice.com/eng/english/slovenian-translators.html


My area od expertize are translations of medical and pharmaceutical texts for pharma industry.

Profile of translation agency B79 http://www.proz.com/translator/674600


As the Company has grown in statue...

FTA electronics assembly http://www.fta.si/about_fta.html


The homestead is a typical example of countryside architecture of a big farmer. 

Official guide to Dornava


In order to present the offer to interested parties as large as possible, a separate Internet Market (trading centre) is installed specially for this kind of machines

Plast Consult http://www.plast-consult.com/com/plast-resale.php


[headline:] Business Councelling

The partnership between the appropriate parts establishes the most profitable realization of investment with quality, credibility, safety and true costs.

TS Consult administrates and supervision the projecting to the details, by evaluating each cost until the conclusion of the building, the complete montage of the project from the business to the installations.

In the development of each project, professionals of marketing, design, web design, planning and consult interact and influence in the creative process. 

TS Consult is a company created to offer support to enterprises with goal on success, profit, growing. The founders , professionals with more than 25 years of experience in marketing, administration, selling, international trade, planning, projecting and consulting, build a proposal based on partnership. Present days we connect professionals of various fields which contribute to the formation of a very special team...

TS Consult http://www.ts-consult.net/


[headline:] Quality as a matter or principle...Only quality awareness creates quality. This means that at Geberit quality is a matter of principle.

Gerberit http://www.geberit.si/Geberit/inet/com/wcmscome.nsf/pages/blick-qual-1


In 2001 Academia was acredited with ISO 9001:2000 standard. 

...quality and contiuous improvments in the field of our expertise. 

Academia d.o.o. http://www.academia.si/about


[headline:] QUISINE

[headline:] BUSSINESS TURISM

Accommodation is possible in...two large rooms situated in the attic floor

English webpage for Hotel Celjska koča  http://www.celjska-koca.si/en/2009/07/test/

 

There are more and more costumers deciding to do bussiness with us.

PTZ fuel pump company http://www.ptz.si/?id=about

 

In addition to the translation services Laloo offers a variaty of other services that include language taught courses, which you might need in your bussiness or private life.

[headline:] VACCANCIES

If you were considering of joining a dinamic  young team of translators we are gladly informing you that we are looking for part-time or free lance tranlators, official court interpreters and proofreaders for all of the mentioned languages and other languages as well.

Bussiness language courses for adults

Colloquiall language courses for adults

http://www.laloo.si/

 

International Bussines Management

link to Master's Programme International Business Management

http://www.eng.doba.si/en/programmes/

Master's Programme International Business Managament  is accredited by Slovene Ministry of Education. Please see attachement below. The list of all accreditated higher educations institution and programmes in Slovenia can be found on the website of the Slovenian Quality Assurance Agency for Higher Education

http://www.doba.co.ke/en/programmes/international-business-management-in-english/

 

WIRELESS FREE ZONE

Sign for Campus Wifi Cafe, Ptuj

 

Squids on the Parisian

Ribič restaurant menu, Ptuj

 

When filling in the form, please write legible.

Ordinacija.net for healthcare providers http://www.ordinacija.net/narocniki/prijava.php?lang=eng

 

WE OPEN DOORS

We are good at it and we are among the best. Our production is aimed towards developing doors, intended to make passages for people.

Doorson door company http://www.doorson.si/en/news/article/invitation-to-saie-2010-in-bologna-italy-the-international-building-exhibition/1/735a38b5c612aa3f6534fef37d496738/


Decided to be about to ride on horse’ back for the first time in Your life, or just to refresh Your memory, You should take an opportunity to enjoy in learning riding skills attending one of riding courses the Ranch runs.

Bohinj Tourist site http://www.impel-bohinj.si/horseback_riding.htm

Inhabitated areas in the hilly areas which have not really spread out are majorities of vegetation above all fruit trees. 

Guide to Sentjošt http://www.stjost.si/sentjost/eng/kraj-slik.html


Just as much hardiness and reliability of building matter, it also matters the functionalism and esthetics and all of that at limit of benefit and usefulness. 

The represented case is showing the making of warm-isolating thin-layer façade, which has the basic function of warmth and sonorous protection of the building. 

Kema construction materials company http://www.kema.si/

 

HISTORY - 40 years ago, when fist chickens could be heard in the derelict facilities of the old barracks...

The line of products  “Owen Ready” is characterised by their exquisite taste

Pivka Poultry company http://www.pivkap.si/

 

During the festivals you can join as at several workshops where experts will lead you through the story of wines, sometimes even in combination with food.

We would like to preset producers of wine and culinary delights and their products to the visitors. 

We would like to ensure various events, experiences to the experts, connoseurs, enthusiasts, and all other curiosities in order to stay in touch with products, get to know new slovenian and foreign products as well as compare them. 

Rado Stojanovič s.p. http://en.ljubljanskavinskapot.si/radost/archive/wine-news/

 

Transportation of money represents the most sensitive area of protection because the caused criminal offences (violent robberies) do not result only in pecuniary loss but also in physical and psychic consequences for all participants in such processes. For this reason, more and more companies decide for professional security services because the risks of assaults and hazardous thefts are becoming too big to be able to manage them on their own.
 

Varnost security company http://www.varnost.si/transportation_of_money

 

In case our clients have special requirements, the company also employs security guards for protection against ionising radiation who are also able to perform their work as bomb controllers and bomb operators.

Varnost security company http://www.varnost.si/protection_of_property


In Slovenian beehives,
you can relax your body and soul to the sound of buzzing bees,
inhaling aerosol, enjoying a honey massage...

Slovenia at 2015 Milan Expo http://www.ukom.gov.si/fileadmin/ukom.gov.si/pageuploads/dokumenti/dogodki/EXPO_2015/sto_expo_letak_ANG_WEB.pdf

 

Religious rites could be attended only by men since the religion was secret.

Official guide to Ptuj